The Story Isn't Over

Back in late 2003 / early 2004. I saw conspiracy central as the ultimate cyberpunk creation, a "channel" which acknowledged the black iron prison. Although I knew conspiracies existed existed, I'd never believed that any of them were possible or planned. As this changed and I become more and more paranoid, I became seriously scared of conspiracycentral. Its dark black and yellow quickly became associated with the trauma I would induce by exposing myself to random media off the tracker. Eventually I became more confident, experienced, but in those first months I remember my heart skipping a beat every time I'd load up the page.

To find respite from this "shock therapy" I would alternate and focus on research with a more "positive" approach. This included the gnostic scriptures, studying shamanism, plants and ancient civilizations. By creating this positive vs negative force, I was able to impose what was traumatizing but true and put it on one folder. Then I would take all the stuff which made me feel empowered and put it in another. Positive and negative, material and physical, power and authority.

This duality was born out of a desire to avoid classifying things as dis info or not-dis info. I worked in production, one thing I always knew was that everything was a least part bull shit. I also new that if there was not heart in something it never go made. So I saw dis-info and truth was a part of everything, so rather than try separate myself from dis-info, I separate myself form the effects of the dis-info, the effects of "the truth. So I built a database, I called it Occult Gnosis; the occult was bad, gnosis was good, put them together you have "hidden knowledge". I thought it was clever and simple... but it was not yet Induction.

Induction arose form a process. First I'd watch media from the download, usually from ConCen or suprnova, and they were usually about dealing with "the occult". Separate from that I would do research through direct downloads and web archives, most of which was pleasurable and self directed. Don't get me wrong, I found or stumbled onto lots of harsh shit on the web too, but there is something being in control while you surf as opposed to watching videos which makes you feel like you are in control and you can change your focus as you wish. Watching a film on concen would often galvanize me into a trance as I realized how fcuked up the world actually was. But regardless, everything I downloaded, all of it went into positive or negative category.

The second half of this process would come when I went back to the archive to learn something or followup on something I had been wondering about. Before I would choose what to watch, I'd have to choose positive or negative and concentrate on one or the other. Even though I would re-watch and often reclassify things, I still say the two dualities as completely separate and unmixable. I remember constantly going back and forth between trying to classify something as good or evil in its intent. It created a sort of anxiety where I would try and sense the evil... it kinds of funny now that I think of it, that I was so dramatic. But it seemed dramatic! And because I was so afraid of the whatever horrible thing I was going to learn next on the evil side, I became much more addicted to power, much more interested in learning positive things from myself and humanities power.

This was hurting my conspiracy research... I was separating myself from knowing more about the demonic world, pretending that I was till in the pastoral. But it was too late, a myth of summer. I had already gone to far to turn back. I had initially stayed away from anything to do with the new world order or even Alex Jones. It was not until I found out about trauma based mind control and the Franklin case through Alex that I finally gave in and started to trust that some of these satanic rituals could be true. The effect was that I became to literally see the authoritarian conspiracies as demonic in nature, something Which I could not identify with... I though that the evil was all outside, the power all inside.

When I Watched the Cyberpunk Educator, I started watching it over an over again. I began to realize that instead of me seeing the dark world as something outside of me, I began to see it as something I was inside of. When this happened , I finally understood why people were unable to use their power, which was all I could talk about at the time. I realized that I was in denial, that I had though that you could keep the evil separate form who you are, from what you do. But that's not how the demonic order works. Everyone is a slave, everyone is complicity, no one escapes completely.

My old division of negative versus positive was no longer ant protection. When I researches material about human power, I saw how it was used and suppressed by the new world order. When I observed how social engineering was designed to control people I saw the innate power that authority was trying to control. From that point on, although I kept the division of Power and Authority, I never again saw them as completely separate. They are separated only by intent, by how they are used and applied.

To me, that I finally had given myself permission to enter this dark world, and to move about it with a sense of personal power. the Cyberpunk Educator allowed me to see how the demonic world is actually a extension of the pastoral, natural world. Yes you must be a warrior to travel through it and survive, but it is a path worth taking with much rewards to go along with our inevitable loss of innocence.

What was I after, entering this dark and dangerous underworld armed only with my personal power and a desire to know... what would I be ultimately be sacrificing for this knowledge, and what would I do with it If ever came back. These were worthy questions, ones which I still haven't been completely answered, because this story isn't over.


Chris Carota
11:52 Friday June 7th, 2006